I’m okay. I’m good right here.

…..

The Eagles were better at writing that I ever will imagine myself to be.

“I Can’t Tell You Why”

Eagles/Timothy B. Schmit

Look at us baby, up all night
Tearin’ our love apart
Aren’t we the same two peopleWho lived
through years in the dark?
Every time I try to walk away
Something makes me turn around and stay
And I can’t tell you why
 
When we get crazy it just ain’t right(Try to keep your head, little girl)
Girl, I get lonely too
You don’t have to worry, just hold on tight(Don’t get caught in your little world)
‘Cause I love you
 
Nothing’s wrong as far as I can see
We make it harder than it has to be
And I can’t tell you why
No baby, I can’t tell you why
I can’t tell you why
 
Every time I try to walk away
Something makes me turn around and stay
And I can’t tell you why
No no baby, I can’t tell you why
I can’t tell you why
I can’t tell you why

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GmcLVI2JKqc

 But y’all get to read it anyway. You’ve caught me in a bit of a stream of consciousness moment – to your detriment and amusement! So here’s a wee bit of mood-writing:

Fates were tempted and found wanting, so I tried to tempt other things than fate – but alas – such other glamours found me wanting, leaving ME simply eye to arse with fate.

I’ve got no unique stories, just my own. Since Gertrude Stein told us what we already knew – that we were lost – each generation seems to successively wallow in their own sense of loss, and seek out own new superficial distractions to keep us from dutifully, finally, confronting our own empty, lost sense of ourselves…

I’m no different – just more aware maybe, or perhaps I just think I’m more aware. Elitism is the new human nature – even when we’re worse than you, we’re better at it than you are, har har har!

But – Stories! There was that time. With that girl. Or was it a boy? At that place. Was it a bar? A club then. It was dark. Or was it just dim? A gossamer thin haze, soft as velvet  – sweet scent of flowers masking that lingering taste of .. lime? olives? gin? whiskey? Tart, bitter, sweet, bittersweet… all glazed over as a fog over the mind’s eye.

The morning wakeup’s a bitch. The comedown is hard on the head and the stomach, and the memories have been completely obliterated by the evening’s happenings. What fragments remain maintain a cluttered, random sense of poignancy. Wither “anything happened” would be immaterial – the bioelectric impulses retain only bare, brief afterimages – a light touch, a smile, the smooth feel of the edges of a soft, warm hand. That exciting uncertainty when – just maybe! There was a possibility! It was that moment – that potential of things that may just be, that kept you there too long, too warm, too content, too drunk – on possibilities! And possibility’s eventual evaporation – that led to the warm inviting comfort of a glass half – then – full – then half – then full and empty then OH!

Here’s what we were looking for – that sleep, those precious few moments after it all, when the black oblivious lack of though finally hits and you realize, the morning after, in the midst of retching pain – that I’m not 20-something anymore, but that was the best, most relieving rest that has managed to come upon me in MONTHS, maybe YEARS…

Then the jagged bits of reality infiltrate subtly, a piece at a time. Bills to pay, obligations to meet. Work to do and appointments to keep. Up. Out. On with things…

<3 allergies.

Things look oh so fuzzy today.

Clear weather helps, today.

But I’m OK. Actually I feel better than I have in quite a while.

I believe Facebook has deactivated my account …. I can’t seem to be able to post.

Wanted to get some shawarma after an abbreviated day @ work. Traffic was still too crazy even given the holiday. Drive side streets home to calm my nerves. Felt like some cheap food at shau mei’s, but saw some guy sprinting to catch his bus. Just missed. Turned around and gave the poor guy a ride to the next bus stop. Decided karma could go fuck itself and stole a table at shau mei’s from an old couple w/ their grandchild babysitting for the day (well I stole it back after they stole it from me). My taiwanese meatball blew up in my face as a result so I decided to appease karma by helping clean the table off next to me so they could have a seat. The gods of chaos are appeased.